Current Spoons: 2.5 

Everything's starting to lose meaning again and I feel more and more drawn to the liquor cabinet. I can't concentrate on writing and I feel apathy taking over.

Spoons? Read [ HERE ].

La plus belle des ruses du diable est de vous persuader qu'il n'existe pas.

What can an eternity of damnation matter to someone who has felt, if only for a second, the infinity of delight? An oasis of horror in a desert of boredom.

My heart is lost;
the beasts have eaten it.


I’m off to bed but I’ll get back to work on starters/replies tomorrow.


Sometimes I sit and see peoples open starters on my dash and think one of two things.

One: Don’t reply you’ve already got a thread its weird.

Two: Don’t reply you’ve got like 100 replies to do. 

romeocomplex asked: "I’m in love with you."


Send "I’m in love with you." to see how my muse reacts.


Yelena sat beside Rik at the small dinner table within her home. It was dinner night and Yelena was feeling festive with Mexican that night, so she sat beside him being playful while trying to feed him with her own hands. Their smiles were big and vibrant, something that seemed frequent while they were in each other company. Once she was successful with getting a spoonful of the food into his mouth, she used that some fork to scoop some into her mouth as well. “Yelena.." She heard her voice come from his lips making her turn to look at him, her eyes meeting his, "Hmm?" She hums in response. "I have something to tell you.." Rik says making Yelena stomach tighten with nerves. What was going on? "Okay." She says her nerves being audible. He helped her place the fork down and took both her hands in his and held them making her chew on her lower lip then suddenly he blurts out, "I’m in love with you.

Yelena stares at him, everything was complete silence around them. Her heart was beating faster and a lump grew in her throat as tears filled her eyes, “You’re so stupid, Rik.” She says softly looking down to the ground while shaking her head. “You fell in love with a dead girl.” She says with a soft sniffle before looking up to meet his eyes again, “Why? Why do you love me? Why would you set yourself up for something so cruel? I’ll hurt you, Rik. I love you too, I love you so much but I don’t want to hurt you because of all of this.” She gestures to her body. She could see the hint of hurt in his eyes, she took both her hands and brought them up to cup his face gently in the palm of her hands. Leaning forward she placed the most soft series of kisses to his lips, “I love you too, but you’ll get hurt and I don’t want to hurt you. I’ll never forgive myself.” Tears streamed down her face as she spoke those words softly against his lips before finally resting her forehead against his, allowing his strong arms to wrap around her mid-torso. “—I’m in love with you too….”


Yelena laid with her head against the glass window, eyes closed as the car went off down the road. A whimper slipped past her lips at the feeling. God knows she felt like she should be use to this right now but she wasn’t, not one bit. “That’s good..” She says softly in response as a look of discomfort swept across her features. Feeling the car pull towards a stop her eyes opened for a split second to see where they were, almost to her house and then they closed. Hearing his question she nod her head, “Yeah, sure. What is it?”

He looked at her then for the first time since he joined her inside the car. She looked weaker and impossibly smaller than she had the last time he saw her—cornered against the window with her eyes fluttered closed. “How are you?” the question was common; something she was probably used to answer every day. It was followed by silence, however, and finished with a demand: “Really.”



   She punches his arm slightly hard. “You aren’t funny.”
  “You know, kid. One of these days someone is fuck up
   that pretty face of yours. And It might be me if you keep
   getting into fights.”

 He laughs at her punch, unwilling to admit it hurt a little.
"I don’t get into fights…" Zach mutters. "I just don’t know
 how to get out of one.” His shoulders sagged in defeat.
"You should be more thankful… He said shit about you,
 you know.”


"You know what, me too." Stephen replied as he refilled her drink. Making sure his boss wasn’t watching, he poured a drink for himself. "Except well, those legs belong to a guy, not a girl." He added.


"Ohhhhh", she said, lifting her glass in the air.

"Well done, brother! Cheers to that!" She took a generous sip from her drink before continuing. "No one can say we never got where we wanted in life."


"Well I wouldn’t say that’s really a bad thing you know?"


"No… Not at all, I’m just getting a little predictable, is all. You know what they say—keep them guessing!"



"Well, shit. Couldn’t you lie to me. 
  And you know what I’m going to say right?”

"I will lie if I have to", he fed her an shit eating grin.
"—‘Well done, Zach’?"


Yelena was leaning against the railing that lead to the hospital entrance with her eyes closed. Maybe then, if she just sat there like that with the feeling of the wind caressing her skin that everything will be okay and that nausea feeling will go away.

Hearing the familiar male voice speak out in her direction, her eyes fluttered open to see Rik’s face. She offered a weak smile and said, “Hi.” In response. Slowly she gathered herself up with his help, going over to his car. When he asked her if she was alright she nodded, “Fine. Chemo.” She says as she got in the car and sat down slowly. Her light brown hues met his vibrant green, “Thank you… for.. f-for picking me up.” Her voice sound weak, just the way she looked. “You’re okay, right?” She asks, quickly dismissing her own issue, genuinely wanting to know if her was alright.


"Chemo" rang in his ears but he said nothing, just helping her into the car. Rik walked around the car to slid back into the driver’s seat—and that was the amount of time he allowed himself to digest the news. "Anytime, kid." He started the car, driving towards her place. Rik had never been inside it, of course, but he knew the address by heart. "I am fine. Great…" at another red sign—god damn them—he spoke again: "Can I ask you a personal question?"



[She can hear you, but she’s seeing right through you. ]
                                                   ”What happened to your hand?”

"Someone hit it really hard… with his face."